


Recreating Paradise

by Pixie6



Category: Paradise Lost - John Milton, Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 13:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixie6/pseuds/Pixie6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was upset with the lack of female characters in the supernatural verse, so I made one. I don't know how to give you guys more preamble than that. It's weird and it's my first try at writing a fic, I don't know how long it will be but right now there are several chapters at least. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline here is really odd guys, I'm sorry . It doesn't really fit into anywhere in particular in the plot line, it's definitely post season 5, but it's not Leviathan territory either. Just try to roll with it. I'll go ahead and say spoilers up through season 7 just to be safe. I own none of this, i've shamelessly ripped it from Milton and the Supernatural series, obviously.

Dean leaned back on the 1970 dodge challenger after inspecting it thoroughly. It was a beaut. Gleaming black with a single wide copper stripe down the left side of the car. The leather interior looked worn but well cared for.

Whistling at the car, Dean said: “ Bobby, I don’t know who this Ray is, but I like him already”

“Idjit” Bobby replied before vanishing, shaking his head. Dean took a drink from the flask in his pocket.

“He got more of an attitude than usual?” Sam asked, looking impatient, “Where is this guy anyway?”

“Well,  Bobby said this was his car, and he’s not going home with out it.” Dean said scuffing his boot on the loose gravel.

He knew Sam was getting impatient but Bobby said this guy was the expert in the area. And they were getting no where quick finding these missing girls.

“Here” Dean said, handing Sam the flask. Hoping it would at least give him something to do for a min or two.

A few minuets passed, and then a woman came walking out of the dingy neon glow provided by the old wooden bar. At first she was just a slender silhouette but as she grew closer Dean began to smirk. He elbowed Sam and slunk back a little deeper on the car, trying just an ounce too hard to look nonchalant.  Sam rolled his eyes.

The heels of her black cowboy boots sunk into the gravel as she strode over to them, her hips swinging, not in a way that was necessarily seductive, but powerful and confident. Her shorts where short and her strong tan legs reached out, eating up the distance between them. She was feminine but not a person anyone could confuse for girly. Her hands ruffled her short black hair when she saw them and her green eyes narrowed in a squint of disbelief. Her face softened and she smiled though as she grew nearer, never loosing that confidence though.

As she drew within 10 feet of them, Dean could see she was well built and rather muscular for a woman.

            “You’re ass better be coated in turtle wax. You lean on my car you better get buffing it” She said, pulling the key ring out of her back pocket. The swung loose around her index finger.

Dean and Sam look positively dumbstruck.

Dean, growing offended by her comment and definitely not feeling a little intimidated didn’t move but rather stammered “Y.. Your car? No. This is Ray’s car.. damn fine one.”

            She rolled her eyes and sighed under her breath “Again?”

            “I’m Rae” The boys returned her gaze, still dumb founded by the creature before them. Her southern accent was noticeable but pleasant, it was about the only thing pleasant about her. “Like the ‘drop a’golden sun’.. damn hippies. And I’m not gonna tell you again, get yer ass off my car.” She raised her voice only slightly, but sounded a thousand times firmer than she had in her original request- this was an order. 

            Dean stiffened immediately and moved off of the car as if it were a hot stove. Rae seemed pleased at this and grinned at him slightly.

            “Now, what do you boys want with me?” She asked flatly. Maybe it was because they were just in from Boston, but they couldn’t seem to wrap their heads around her. She seemed… like them.

            “We’re.. uhh.. friends of Bobby Singer’s, he said you might be able to help us with a case” Sam piped in, feeling stupid for not knowing how to explain their knowledge or, ignorance of _her_.

            Rae paused, thinking and evaluating them. Then said “heard Singer was .. walkin’ on sunshine, now”  her eyes flashed down to her boots, and then back at Sam. She didn’t look ‘to’ him as one does when having a conversation, instead she looked at him with a gaze so interrogating she didn’t need to finish her thought.

Sam began to fumble for the answer to her implied ‘so, what the fuck are y’all doin here?’ But just then the windows on the car began to frost up.

Bobby appeared just to the front of the car. All of them turned to look at him.

“..Be damned” Rae muttered, only slightly astonished to see him. 

Bobby had grown more vengeful with each passing day lately, the boys knew he was loosing his grip, and it seemed in an instant Rae knew it too. He couldn’t be here forever.  The moment grew tense as everyone realized as they stood there looking at Bobby’s ghost.

“What are you doing here Bobby?” Rae asked unimpressed, exasperated even.

With this Bobby seemed instantly infuriated, or maybe Rae had just stoked the fire. The temperature dropped another 40 degrees and as Bobby flashed back out of existence. There was a crunch as Rae’s windshield cracked.

“Son of A Bitch!” swore Dean and Rae simultaneously.

Covering her chest in the first act of slight vulnerability the boys had seen out of her,  Rae said “I ought to iron the bastard just for making my nipples go haywire.. Can’t believe this shit.”

As she lowered her arms and walked around the car, delicately tracing the crack with her index finger the boys could see she wasn’t kidding. The white cotton tank she was wearing stretched tight across what they both presumed to be a full B cup on a small frame. Dean had almost forgotten she was attractive until that moment. Sam eyed him accusingly.

Dean moving away from the car and closer to her said “It shouldn’t be that tough of a fix”

“I should say not, they should return to normal as the temperature does. This is a normal function of the human body. The vessel certainly is fine.” Said Castiel.  Neither of the boys had noticed his arrival and spun on their heels shocked to see him. At first they almost didn’t register what he’d said.

“ ‘da Fuck!” dean exclaimed whirling on his heels to find Castiel only two inches from his face, as usual. “How long have you been here? Jesus, Cas say something when you Bamf in or I’m going to put a freakin’ bell on you.”

“I don’t understand how a bell would help you to hear me coming from another dimension, but I will wear what ever suits you, Dean” Cas ground out, the voice dropping to near a whisper as if the last part of the sentence was meant for he and Dean alone. It didn’t stop everyone else from hearing it though. Sam cleared his throat, raising an eyebrow at the interaction.

Rae narrowed her eyes and raised an eyebrow, “He’s not a ghost, and why the fuck did he just refer to me as a ‘vessel’ … I’m not even going to address the rest of what y’all’ve got going on there.”

Sam chucked. Castiel pulled his gaze off of Dean’s as if his mind were willing his eyes to leave Dean’s visage. “You’re correct, I am an Angel of the Lord. My name is Casti --“

“His name is Cas,” Dean cut him off, pushing the Angel slightly and stepping up between him and Rae. “He’s cool though, he’s not a dick like the rest of them”

Castiel huffed, annoyed, though it wasn’t clear if it was at the interruption, the nickname, or the smug look on Dean’s face. “Dean, believe it or not I do have a purpose in being her other than to entertain you. I didn’t come to ‘chit-chat’” Cas air-quoted.  “ Rahelle,” Rae’s cast him a death glare at the use of her full name. Her posture seemed to change, suddenly the boys realized, that while she may be small, she was probably scary as any wendigo in a fight. She was all lean muscle, speed, and now, anger. This perception was either lost on Cas or he simply didn’t care, because he plowed on unhindered by the change in his primary audience.

“You are ordained to be a Vessel for an Angel of the Lord. You are chosen for a very special and important purpose. If you choose to accept this purpose you will know true grace and find an eternal place in the Kingdom of Heaven when your task is completed.” Castiel’s voice was at once deep and ominous but also hopeful in a way the hunters hadn’t heard often when he was in ‘Angel of the Lord’ mode.  Castiel turned the full weight of his gaze on Rae, expectant.

She stood blank and statuesque for a moment.

“Lemme, get this straight.” Sam and Dean exchanged looks and, as subtlety as possible (which was to say not at all) stepped out from in between Cas and Rae. Her eyes narrowed again, her jaw clenched as tight as her fists and she leaned forward, encroaching on the Angel slightly. “You expect an answer _now_ on whether or not I want to give up my body to a _fucking Angel,_ die and go to heaven?” She paused a moment and returned Castiel’s expectant gaze.

“No” She said, turning icy and more stoic than Cas, if that was possible. Cas almost looked thrown off for a moment. His gaze shifting from her face to his feet ever so quickly. Sam was pretty sure Dean missed it, but then he saw Dean shift slightly towards the angel as if he was fighting hard against the urge to rush and comfort the angel from the blow of rejection. 

Rae turned to the boys, ignoring Cas completely. She was done with him. “You boys need help with a case or what? I don’t talk shop on an empty stomach. Get in, you can fill me in at the Diner.” She jingled her keys and strode over to the driver’s seat. She spared a disappointed glance at her windshield.  “Gigantor, you can have shot gun. Asshole in the back. Bobby I see your pissy ass back here I swear, I will send it packing for good. Don’t tempt me. Speaking of which you boys have some explaining to do about that too.” Sam started to open his mouth, but she raised a hand, stopping him dead with a glare. “Empty stomach” was all she said.  

When they were in the car, burning rubber out of the parking lot, Sam’s head skimming the roof of the car, Cas no where to be seen, Sam looked over to her. “Sorry about all this. Sorry to ruin your night” he had his puppy eyes on, and dean thought ‘atta’boy win her over Sammy.’ Rae sighed, ran a hand through her short hair and cast a sideways glance at Sam. “It’s fine. I was striking out anyway. Fuckin’ straight girls and their redneck boyfriends. I hate Georgia.”

Sam let out a sound somewhere between a scoff and a chuckle and nodded his head. He knew it. Dean however, suddenly looked much more interested in Rae than the car, but then he was Dean. Rae threw him a glance in the rear-view that pointedly said ‘What about it?’ and Dean was forced once again to direct his interest in the car’s leather interior instead. Rae silently kicked herself for outing herself to the hunters, not even sure why she’d volunteered the information. Damn Moose of a man, with his stupid ‘I actually give a shit’ expression. She knew she’d better watch out for that one. But then, she’d known that before, that’s why she’d set him in the front with her. Stupid! She scolded herself. At least the one in the back was easy, predictable. Not to mention she’d let them off the hook, and who knows what fresh hell she was letting herself be drug into with the Angel and the case. At least ‘Cas’ had fluttered off and saved them from the _extra_ awkward car ride. She wasn’t sure how the two hunters were so fucking casual about the fact that the guy had _MASSIVE FUCKING WINGS_ , though it seemed that Dean knew him rather well, not sure why bi-boy back there was giving her the eye for outing herself. She shook her head and though ‘repression!’ as she pulled into the diner parking lot.

Opening the car door and stepping out, she barely contained a yelp, as she found Cas right in her face as she rose up. “What now, Wings?” she tried to seem unphased, unsure if anyone bought it. The angel looked thrown for a second. “C..Can you see them?” He asked tentatively. ‘ _tentative_? When the fuck had Cas ever been _tentative_?’ Dean thought, rather stunned.  “Is that a trick question? Of course I can see them. You’re a fuckin’ ‘ _Angel of the Lord_ ’ aren’t ya?” Cas’s expression grew slightly pained (as pained as it ever could) at the way she spat “Angel of the Lord” back at him, vengeful. ‘Why would Abdiel want this one above the others?’ he wondered.

“Look, “ he began, maybe trying to control his emotion Dean wondered, “it is imperative that you at least consider our request. Abdiel’s mission is very important to the survival of your kind as well as the world. And, no, not everyone can see the evidence of an Angel’s grace.”

            Ignoring Cas’s request once more, “Oh? I guess that would explain why dumb and dumber here look so unphased and are now looking at me like _I’ve_ sprouted wings. Great.” She clapped her hands together, “Let’s eat, Kids. You too Birdy” She announced. She glanced around at all of them as she moved right through Cas’s space, practically shoving him, on her way to the diner. 


	2. Terms and Agreements

The diner was small and shiny and plastic. It reeked of bacon and bbq sauce, it was exactly what you would expect down to the middle aged red-haired waitress in an aqua dress and apron.  “What’ll ya have Hun?” the waitress asked. She looked at Rae being the only woman with the three men, to go first. “Bbq bacon cheeseburger, rare, extra bacon and bbq. Hashbrowns, cheese on them too, and fry an egg, over light on top of’em. Thanks.” She smiled kindly at the waitress. Sam looked disgusted, Dean looked stunned, and both of them realized it was the first time they’d seen her smile. She looked genuine, and the waitress returned her smile. “Not watching our figure?” the waitress attempted to joke. Rae’s smile cheapened at that, “I.. Work out a lot.. active job.” Her smile vanished and she cast her gaze to Dean beside her. “I’ll.. actually.. have exactly the same. And a beer” he said it like he couldn’t believe it. The waitress nodded approvingly at Dean, Rae rolled her eyes and tried to wash her hands of the whole inter action. Sam ordered a caesar salad, with only a raised eyebrow from the waitress. And Cas, to Dean’s shock, said that “Water would be sufficient” for him, apparently he was learning not to tell strangers he didn’t eat.

            When the waitress left them, Rae looked at the angel and said “Okay, spill it little bird.” Cas cocked his head in confusion for a moment but quickly registered that the address was directed at him. Out of the corner of her eye Rae caught the anger that flared up in Dean at the casual insult she slung at what she could only assume was ‘his’ angel. ‘Oh yeah, caught you. You guys are totally hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing’ and she grinned a congratulations across at Cas, which served only to deepen the tilt of his head. He narrowed his eyes at her this time, and continued on with his purpose. “We, Abdiel and I, need a vessel for Abdiel. We must stop Zachariah. He is entirely out of hand, Raphael is pulling the strings, but since we’ve little hope of stopping an Archangel of Heaven we can at least cut off his under-lings operating on Earth.” This was actually the first Sam and Dean had heard of this plan or, for that matter seen Cas in a while, they looked only a bit less lost than Rae. She nodded though and waited patiently until the Angel had filled her in as fully as he was going to on the situation.  She still didn’t understand fully, though she did understand that perhaps she never would. Their food had come and she ate in silence for several minuets, uncaring that all three men were staring at her. She was thinking.

“I concede that your need is great” She said finally her drawl not taking the polish or the importance off the words. “I’d like to speak with Abdiel now.”

Cas looked a little stunned. “That’s not often how this works.”

“I don’t care how it works. This is how I work. I’d like to speak with him. I have some important questions for him”

Sam and Dean shared a glance of ‘what the fuck’s going on?’ and each returned the other’s shrug. _Angels._ Thought they each had to admit that Rae was handling this way more smoothly than Jimmy’s family did. It was almost as if she had some control on the situation. Almost.

Rae ran her hand through her hair and looked a little bored as Castiel disappeared in a flap, and then returned.

 “He’s in your car.” He said, and he seemed ruffled, as if he’d just lost an argument.

Rae popped a fry in her mouth, and swiveled towards Dean, “Let me out” She shooed him with her hands, and Dean was snapped out of whatever silent conversation he was attempting to have with Cas. He acknowledged her, started to move only to go right back to staring a hole in the angel as he stood. ‘Apparently having an Angel dose weird shit to a man,’ thought Rae.

She walked out into the heat, it was well past midnight now, but Georgia was as humid and hot as ever. She got into her car. It was empty. Then the stereo crackled and whined a high pitched sound. And then there was the light. So much light. She shut her eyes but it was still there. “Am I hurting you?” a soft voice asked, it sounded like it was under water. Like it was more a series of vibrations than a real voice. She could hear but she also felt deafened, as if she’d spent all night beside a blaring speaker.

“No, but it’s so bright”

“Keep your eyes closed. You should be able to see me but it may take you a while to adjust, Are you afraid?”

“Okay” she ignored his question and her emotion. “I’ve some terms, if we are to do this. Castiel has described his relationship with Jimmy to me. That is not something I will agree to.” For a southern girl she was oddly formal in business. She was almost surprised at herself. Her voice was firm but soft to match Abdiel’s.

“What will you agree to?” the voice was unmocking, Rae was surprised and she felt some of the tension ease out of her. The air seemed to be calming around her, it felt less like she was holding onto an electric fence, the tiny pluses going through and around her were calming. She felt like maybe she could open her eyes, but it was still bright.

“I want to see and have say in everything, I want to be part of this, I’mma sharp hunter, I will be useful. You will respect my mind and my body. I am not disposable, and I will not be used and used up so easily... No reward is worth the sacrifice of the self.”  

“You speak in such certainties” Abdiel was still without a hint of humor or mockery.

“I do.” She replied simply. “We will decide and proceed on this mission together. If we survive we will discuss if my body will be strong enough to continue on with just me.” She was fairly certain that she would not survive what ever was to come, but then she was a hunter. She was not made to last. None of them were.

“I will be damned if I will be packed away in my own skull while you walk around in me” She added, for the first time emotion edging into her voice. She was sure Abdiel was going to start toying with her any second, trying to coerce her. It didn’t come though.

“I agree to these terms. I will share this with you” Abdiel said finally.

“You have my permission as long as we proceed with these terms.” She relaxed. She wasn’t sure why, she should be petrified, angry, anything but relaxed.  “Let’s do this.” She smiled.

And then suddenly she felt a pressure on her chest, and then it was like she was breathing in magma. It was a pain unlike any other. It burned all the way down into her ribs and then seemed to bounce like a rubber ball of pure scalding heat around inside her ribcage pressing up against the sides trying desperately to find an escape where there was none. It was fighting against the walls of her ribs, her stomach. Testing the boundaries.

“Exhale slowly,” a voice said, calmly. And she did. The heat seemed to radiate and dissipate through her whole body then, sweeping out in all directions through her.

**

She must have lost consciousness. She wasn’t totally sure for how long.

‘Rahelle?’ a voice, no, a thought asked.

Rae jumped back, then felt stupid, because she was pretty sure she can’t jump away from her own head and that was definitely in her own head. Holy shit. What was happening?

 **‘You agreed to this.’** And then a memory came to her, no, was provided for her. She was overwhelmed by it, it was immensely synesthetic. She could feel the air in the memory, see her self hear her voice making the agreement. She felt her breath coming out on to Abdiel when she said “Let’s do this.” Felt Abdiel’s joy. She saw something bright and red looking at her self she felt sounds, she heard the red color sitting, glowing, in her chest. Suddenly she was hit with vertigo, if she wasn’t sitting she would have fallen. It was overwhelming.

 **‘Okay’** she tried to breath deep and not see the memory that wasn’t hers, she saw enough to know what she’d done, but she still didn’t know exactly _what_ she’d done to herself.

‘ **Okay, you’re in my body. Okay. So.. Okay.** ” She let out a deep breath. ‘ **keep calm,  move my right arm. Just you.’**

She felt it move, saw it move, it was like being a marionette. She felt the weight as it moved, but it seemed to move on it’s own.

 ‘ **Okay. That’s the weirdest goddamned thing** ’ with that she felt something inside her prickle. As if some part of her, something in her chest was dropping, recoiling from her. She let out 

a sharp breath. And then. Duh. Realized she’d just damned god to an angel inside her. ‘Not wise. Good start asshole’ she thought to herself.

‘ **It’s alright, you’ve years of not truly knowing what that means, You’re not sorry for offending my Father but you are sorry you’ve hurt me. You are forgiven’ at that a wave of warmth washed over her.**

She couldn’t even think about a smart ass retort, it felt so .. good.

‘ **There are things you need to know**.’

‘ **hit me’** she thought. Just then a tap came at the window, and startled her. Despite being a hunter she startled shockingly easy. Before she could think she jumped and as she did she felt something radiate out of her. She looked to her left to see Sam being flung about 30ft away from the car, smashing into the gravel. It was such a surprise that she yelped and then Dean was pushed to the ground and Cas stumbled back from the car.

‘ **Relax** ’ the voice softly commanded her, “ **that is what I was referring to. Just as I can control your power, your body; likewise you have access to mine. Your soul and my grace are interwoven now. We are, as you’ve requested, as one. Together.** ’

‘ **Wow, okay, this seems like a horrible idea now. Why would you have let a cranky hunter have access to your grace?** ’

‘ **I need you** ’ Abdiel said with out hesitation. Rae felt it. 

She felt the question. But she didn’t dare ask it, she didn’t know if Abdiel knew it already or not, if she could keep any thought or emotion from him, but she couldn’t help but wonder _why her_. She wasn’t special, she wasn’t a savior, a martyr, She was fucked up and broken. She had to stop herself. She could feel Abdiel’s disappointment at her thought, the piqued interest, but it wasn’t pushed, the memory wasn’t reached for. Rae was thankful. 


	3. Family Reunion

“Brother?” Castiel asked.

“Yes, Castiel” Abdiel responded.

 **Brother? Angels not picky about gender?** Rae asked

 **They are, I am not** Abdiel informed her.

 **Awesome, dyke with a genderqueer angel rolling around in her head. What could possibly go wrong.** She jibed but felt both of their amusement, she reveled in it slightly. The double emotion was strange, like a high.

Castiel strained looking at her, them.

“Brother, what have you done?”

“We are as one”

Castiel looked totally stunned for several seconds, Rae spared a glance to her periphery and saw Sam and Dean outside the car. Talking, looking confused and irritated or perhaps that was just their faces.

“Abdiel, this is unprecedented. Can this be allowed. This must be ..blasphemous” Castiel ground out barely above a whisper, angry that his brother would do something so stupid, so reckless.

At this Rae felt hurt, she was sure it was her own in fact.

“Look Cas, just because something _hasn’t_ been done, doesn’t mean something shouldn’t or can’t be done. On what authority do you have it that wearing a meat suit and cramming someone deep into the recesses of their mind to be right, just, ordained? Are you taking it on faith? Or are you simply taking it on the precedence of the Angels your currently struggling to save the world from?“ Rae fired off, suddenly, she hadn’t really thought about it, she just felt so strongly that Castiel was _wrong_ to dismiss her, and this .. marriage as he was. She felt an instant of remorse before Abdiel was pushing it away from her.

  **You must always speak for yourself, in this case, you speak for us both.. with wisdom I’m not sure how you possess.**

“Brother,” Castiel nearly growled, his anger becoming increasingly apparent.

Suddenly Rae felt a flash of white hot rage, she was across the seat and holding Cas by his collar, pinning him to the window in a heartbeat. Her limbs move of Abdiel’s accord, imbued with no more of his might than necessary but much more than Rae herself possessed.

“You will not dismiss her Brother, She speaks for us both. I put my faith in our joining. I put my faith in her. You will stand with me or you will not. But you _will not_ dismiss her.”

Abdiel’s wings flared out angrily behind him but nothing ruffled their pure platinum feathers. They stood together like solid metal, like armor. They shined with a light that came from nowhere, from grace. They gleamed like an Angel sword; their detail just as fine, and just as sharp.  In all the time Castiel had known Abdiel he’d only seen him angry like this once. The day the battle began. The day he called out Lucifer, and deemed him unfaithful. Abdiel had been the only one to not waver in the face of Lucifer, to not cast doubt on his own faith. Castiel wondered which one of them was wrong, and wondered if Abdiel had ever felt shaken. If he had ever wanted to stray from their father as he had strayed form his brothers.

“I… apologize, Brother, Rae. I was shocked, but perhaps you have a point” Cas began, “But if you are to stand together against Zachariah, she must learn to handle and use your grace. Right now the two of us would likely crumple before him, and she would be our weak point.”

It’s at that point that Rae, catching herself in the mirror realizes _I HAVE MASSIVE FUCKING WINGS._ And right on it’s heels she realizes not only are they beautiful but _she can fly with them._ She starts to itch for it, Castiel might be talking, but she no longer gives a fuck. She becomes totally bent on trying to move them, twitch a feather, anything.

She focuses really hard, tries to feel them and then thinks about moving them like an arm it doesn’t work. She keeps trying but then, her mind starts to wonder. Where would she go if she could fly? She starts thinking Rome? Paris? No, this pond she had been to as a kid, she starts remembering the way the lightning bugs had glimmered in the fog over the water, the warm damp of the air, climbing the willow tree that stretched over the water. And then she feels a rush, everything swirls around her and she’s there. No, like really there. It’s breath taking.

 **In the middle of a conversation, is generally not considered the appropriate time to fly away.** Abdiel says but he feels more amused than anything.

Rae feels a small pang of guilt for leaving Castiel, but after all he wanted her to figure out how to use her grace.

 **He will figure it out, or decide it’s not that important.** He consoles her, still feeling rather amused. **It is beautiful here. I can see why you wanted to come so strongly, time travel is not an easy thing you know, it’s rather impressive that you could channel so much grace so quickly.**

 **That’s me, trial by fire.** Rae thinks at him, amused.

**There are worse ways to be, you are strong.**

Rae scoffs at him, aloud this time, half startling herself at the sound, she hadn’t thought it would be so easy, constantly talking with out talking.

“Abdiel, Rae, Where have you gone? Please return and finish this conversation with me.”

**Do you think you can return us to your car?**

**I can try.** She focuses hard, thinking picturing her car in exact detail, trying to remember the way Cas looked in the car, the parking lot outside. She closes her eyes and when she opens them again they are there. It is significantly less disorienting this time.

 **Wings. Who knew.**  She muses at Abdiel, he feels pleased.

**I’m glad you’re enjoying my grace.**

**Oh, right you can feel that. Hmm.**

**Your emotions are strong, unabashed. They’re beautiful.**

Rae must look ridiculous to Castiel, she’s blushing from head to toe, at something in her own head. Yeah, nothing weird here. She realizes fleetingly that she has the most pleasant schizophrenia ever known to man. And she feels Abdiel laugh internally at her thought.

Sam shoves at Dean “Just do it already, we can’t be here all night.”

Dean very tenatively clears his throat, and leans down to the window “Uh, hey guys..” He taps lightly on the window behind Cas, “do you think we can go back to the hotel at some point this week?”

Castiel turns to stare at Dean through the window. “I should think you would want to return before the ending of the week, Dean”

Dean runs a hand across his face, rubbing his eyes. “Uh yeah, man. How about now?”

Rae leans across Castiel, pops open the door “ Get in losers. “

 

**

“You got enough room back there Gigantor?” Rae asks, smiling at Sam who was behind her in the rear view. She sees something .. off about him. Like a dark haze around him. **It’s the demon, it’s tainting his soul. They call him an abomination.** Her smile turns to a grimace, she takes her eyes off of the mirror.   

            “Yeah I’m all good.” Sam tries not to fidget or let on that there’s a giant pair of wings sticking out into his lap. ‘When had she gotten those anyway?’ he guesses that they worked it out, but she still seems like _Rae_. It’s not like Jimmy and Cas, she still seems like.. well, a person.  Dean eyeballs his brother. ‘freakin weirdo, always squirming. Sit still moron.’

            Dean cleared his throat, “so.. uh.. you guys get everything.. worked out?”

            “Rae has agreed to be Abdiel’s vessel” Cas informed him

            “Really? You’re going to be a meat suit? Whens’ the big get together?”

            “No, and already happened.”

Dean looked stumped. Rae looked satisfied. It was then that Sam realized he couldn’t see the wings. How could he not see them? Cas’s were huge and beautiful, he immediately pitied his brother for the what he didn’t even know he was missing. It also explained why he never realized when Cas was about to leave, he never saw them spread in preparation. But it didn’t explain why Dean couldn’t see them. He was Michael’s vessel after all. Did he really lack that much faith?

            In a flap there was a grinning man with sandy brown hair between the hunters in the back seat. He had is arm casually draped around Sam’s mammoth shoulders.

 **Gabriel.** Abdiel provided for Rae.

 **Family reunion? So soon?** She thought at him, her stomach flip-flopped, she really wasn’t in the mood for another Angel tonight, too was enough for starts, thanks. But apparently Angel’s don’t do portion control.

“Look what the cat dragged in. Another little birdy for me.” Rae said grinning. Obviously throwing caution to the wind. Abdiel hadn’t told her to tread lightly, but he hadn’t told her not to either. For being in her skull he was shockingly lase-faire. She maintained her cheeky self despite the fact that she recognized the name as that of an Archangel. She figured none of them were to be trifled with but, then she hardly ever did what she figured on.  She wasn’t ready to turn-over the reins to Abdiel yet, maybe he knew it. 


	4. Love and other things like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited the first few chapters after finally figuring out how to properly format this monstrosity. The should be easier to read now.

Gabriel quirked an eyebrow at Rae, “Brothers. Thought I’d pop in and see what trouble you two were stirring up with my favorite little pets here.” He rubbed Sam’s shoulders and bounced his other shoulder into Dean. They looked annoyed but oddly stayed quiet. 

 “Just what have you.. gotten yourself into..Abdiel?” he asked, not even trying to be subtle about the pun.

Abdiel made no reply. He only narrowed his eyes in the review at Gabriel and glared. The air in the car almost seemed to sizzle slightly with the excess electricity. Rae unconsciously fluffed her wings at him.

 **He’s all talk.** Abdiel said, a low, perhaps nearly angry tone. It was the closest to a negative emotion she’d felt from him. He seemed to be keeping it out of her mind some how though. He seemed to be able to show her only the emotions he wanted to share with her, for her. She wondered if she could do the same or if she was simply throwing everything at him she had.

“We should discuss this.” Castiel said, it seemed directed at everyone in the car, but it was obvious that the hunters had no say. Sam couldn’t even assert his desire for personal space in the cramped back seat, surrounded by wings on all sides.

“There is nothing to discuss. It is done.” Abdiel replied, it was strange to hear her own voice speak without an accent Rae thought. “And you’re certainly not one to dissuade an unconventional approach, Gabriel. Not given your.. proclivities.”

“Oh, Abdiel, never were one to beat around a bush were you. And here I thought I might have liked you as a sister better, but it hasn’t softened even your cheeks it looks like.”

“Look, Gabby. We’re here. We’re Queer. Get the fuck outta my car.” Rae bit out, so done with the hole matter. First Cas and now Gabriel, no one had any business giving them shit.

“Ohhhh, saucy little thing isn’t she?” Gabriel grinned.

 **He enjoys getting to you. Don’t give him the satisfaction.** Abdiel told her, he sounded calmer now.

 **Oh he’s going to get to something in a second.** Rae replied, anger beginning to rush through her now. She was driving faster, the motel only a few miles away now. **I’m tired, and I’m done with this. I just want to sleep and be done with all of it for the day.**

 **Soon.** Abdiel soothed, **Very soon. I won’t let them keep us long.**

Rae sighed in relief at that.  She had to remind herself not to think too hard about a bed or she might find herself suddenly in one, car careening driverless down the highway. Stay focused, she told herself.

            Gabriel sighed “Abdiel, Listen. You know, I love you, you’ve always been my favorite. “ Rae swore she felt the angel roll his eyes. Did he even _have_ eyes? “But this.. this can’t be a good idea. For starters she could wipe out a freakin’ city. Not to mention the long term effects possible to you both.”

            “She has an astonishing control of my Grace already and—“

            “She what? You say that like it’s a good thing? You’ve let her use it already? Are you completely stupid?’

            “Abdiel is one of the oldest and wisest among us, Brother, you know that.” Castiel stated, annoyed with the interruption even more than Abdiel was.

            “ Effects?” Rae asked both to Abdiel and to the others.

            “Oh, what he didn’t tell you my little peach? Of course he didn’t. You’re gonna feel like someone ripped a kidney out of you any time he leaves, and he’s .. he’s never going to be the same” Gabriel got cagey, and his anger seemed to shift to sadness at the last part.

“What do you mean He won’t be the same?”

“I.. I don’t know, this hasn’t been done before.”

“So how do you know anything will happen?’ Sam piped up, apparently sick of the run around or finally interested in the proceedings.

“Nothing is certain.” Abdiel replied.

“Wait. So the angle is in you already. But you’re in you? What the fuck?!” Dean finally caught up. Poor out of the loop, Dean.

“Oh, sweetie, You’re so pretty.” Gabriel cooed at him, laying his head over on Deans shoulder while shoving the lollipop he’d just materialized into his mouth.

“You better poof that away while you’re in my car Birdy boy or I’ll have your tail feathers. I’ll be damned if you’re getting anything on this car.”  Rae fumed at him. Gabriel, to everyone’s shock, raised his palms in submission, and the candy vanished from his mouth.

**You really must be his favorite.**

**I am.**

“Thank you very much, Gabriel,” Rae replied, genuinely sweet.

Dean and Sam exchanged confused and astonished glances. Gabriel sighed.

“How are we swinging the room situation” Gabriel asked after a few moments, looking around hopefully.

“Erm What?”

“You sleep?” Cas asked/

“Not with us you don’t.”  Dean and Sam said in unison.

“Well that settles that then, Me and Rae will get a room and you boys can share your own. And Cassie.. Well, Castiel will do what ever it is he dose.” Gabriel said too pleased with himself.

“What? No.” Sam said, not wanting to throw Rae under the bus. Dean shot him a glance that said ‘shut your fucking piehole before we end up snuggling with the damn trickster.’ Sam’s mouth snapped shut.

“It is settled then” Abdiel replied.

“N..n. If you wake me up you shit head I swear to your father. I will find a way to pluck your feathers.” **And _you_ , don’t talk with out talking to me first.**

**The same could be asked of you. I don’t know how long Gabriel’s generosity will extend.**

**Yeah, well, I don’t know how long mine will either.**

They pulled into the hotel, Got rooms, and headed in. Rae locked the door behind her and Gabriel though she wasn’t sure why she bothered, what was someone going to do to two angels that a deadbolt could stop. Force of habit, she guessed.

“I need to speak with you Abdiel.. Alone.” Gabriel began.

“That’s not part of our agreement,” Rae reminded Abdiel aloud for the benefit of Gabriel.

“What do you mean agreement? What exactly did you sign on for Abdiel? Did you even try to tell her what this could do?”

“I need this, I need her,” Was his only reply.

“You had nearly twenty vessels with the necessary blood lines to choose from, you’re a Seraphim. You have your pick, you didn’t need to bow to any terms. And yet you have. Why?”

            “I cannot fight what they’re doing while doing it myself.”

            “ Last I checked, _you’re_ not trying to start the apocalypse.” Gabriel pinned them with a glare.

            “Enough. Both of you.” Rae finally chimed in. “Obviously there’s some information being withheld here, I’m tired and quickly loosing my patients with y’all. So out with it already. What the fuck are we doing here.”

            “So you didn’t tell her… You didn’t tell her that this… this union” he spat the words at them “ was considered an abomination, or that it would leave her a wrecked shell of a thing when you left and took your grace with you. Not to mention we have no idea what this much contact with a human soul will actually do to grace.”

            “I know the risk Gabriel.” Abdiel said. After a moment, Rae added “This is worth the risk.”

            Gabriel grabbed her face quickly but gently by the jaw, cupping her cheek. He stepped in, though they’d already been standing close. He pressed his forehead to hers.

“You’re both incredibly stupid, you know that right.”

She nodded, her head still against his. And for the first time she looked down, she felt afraid and it wasn’t only hers.

“Don’t make me loose you, Abdiel. You know you’re my favorite.” Abdiel took her hand and placed it over Gabriel’s heart. He didn’t ask, Rae didn’t care. “If this is what you think is best. If this is what you want, then I will fight for it too.” He pressed a kiss to their shared forehead, Spread his bright golden wings, they didn’t look unlike Abdiel’s except for the color, and then he was gone.

For the rest of the night Abdiel was silent, withdrawn. He felt slightly sad, for that matter so did Rae. She couldn’t help but feel like she was breaking something. She showered and went to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Around 9am Castiel entered the room.

“Abdiel, Rae?” he asked softly.

**Do not wake her, Castiel**

Castiel seemed taken aback, he looked at his shoes and thought as his brother as quietly as possible. He didn’t know if he was shielding Rae or not but he definitely didn’t want to anger Heaven’s most senior Seraphim.

**The Winchesters are awake they would like to review the case with us.**

**Can they not wait?**

**They’ve done nothing but wait, they were delayed by us last night.**

**Rae should not suffer for our diversions.. though neither should the Winchesters… Give us one hour.**

**Fine.** Castiel spread his oily black wings and was gone.

 

Rae awoke to Gabriel, sitting cross legged in the bed beside her, he was leaning up against the head board. Her head rested on his thigh, an arm thrown across his lap. He ran his hands through her chin length black hair. She awoke very gradually, until finally when she stirred pressing her face and rubbing it against his faded jeans.

“Good morning Sun beam, it’s 9:45.” He said before she could franticly look for the clock.

“ehhhmm” she groaned, still bleary from sleep.

“Would you like breakfast? The Winchesters and Castiel are hoping to meet you at the diner down the road.” His voice was soft but chipper. “Abdiel wanted to set an alarm for you, but I said this was a much better way to wake up. You’re quite the cuddler, by the way. I certainly didn’t stack you in my lap like this.” She lifted her head slightly to see her entire body had curled around Gabriel in a crescent shape. He continued to pet her hair.  

“Do you want to come have breakfast with us? “ She looked up at him but didn’t move her head, she wasn’t sure what made her ask, but she felt that his reappearance had made Abdiel happy. She wondered if he had expected last night to be a goodbye.

“You’ll still have me?” He looked mischievous, but it was all fake. He was genuinely hopeful and letting it show.

“It would seem a large part of me is rather attached to you now. Besides, this is damn bit nicer than an alarm.” She smiled back at him, warmly.

She gets up. Her wings puffed out around her and shook themselves, like they were waking up too. It was rather bird like and she giggled at them. **They kind of have a mind of their own don’t they.**

**Very much so. They’re direct manifestations of my grace, they do whatever my grace feels.**

**Hmm so they’re giant sparkly mood rings. Neat.**

**I don’t know what a mood ring is.**

At that Rae tumbles down onto the bedgiggling. Gabriel eyes her perplexed until Abdiel, not wanting to disturb Rae’s laughter, presents a question into his mind **What’s a mood ring?**  Gabriel promptly loses himself to laughter as well.

“Where did you even find him?”

“Didn’t you get out at all during the 70’s brother?”

“Which 70’s?”

***

 

They take Angel airways to the dinner. Walk in and find Cas, Dean, and Sam all squished into one booth waiting for them. Sam and Dean are pointedly not touching, it looks as though they’ve just had some sort of argument because Sam is making an expression akin only to having hot garbage smeared over one’s upper lip. Dean and Cas are trying to look like they’re not touching but clearly are. They take turns looking at the side of the other man’s face while the other one looks anywhere else.

“Ladies first” Gabriel says and gestures to the open side of the booth in a grand bow.

“Guess you better slide in then” Rae says, grinning at him.

“Kay.. What the fucks going on? Why is he still here?” Dean demands.

“I’m along for the ride ol’Dean-o. Aren’tcha just thrilled?”

“Make him leave” Dean demands, staring Rae down.

“No, I like him, he bugs you.”

“He _killed_ me no less than three hundred different times! Make him leave.”

“Boys, make nice. I’m done with yer shit.” She turns her attention to Cas totally ignoring the other three men, “Are they always like this?”

“Yes.” Cas wears the look of the long suffering.

Rae extends a hand across the table and places it on top of Cas’s. “I’ll do what I can, you don’t have to suffer alone anymore” She says a sincere as she can keep her voice. Cas looks down at her hand as though a tiny dinosaur had suddenly sprung from the salt shaker and walked over and bit him.

“Thank you.” He replies warily.

Dean shoots her a look that could freeze hell. “Don’t you have enough Angels.”

 _Gotcha!_ Rae commends herself, and makes note to touch Cas as much as possible.

**This should be good. You watching’ this**

**Why are you provoking him?**

**Inertia, my friend.**

**Objects in motion prefer to stay in motion?**

**Exactly, just giving them a little push.**

“Didn’t see your name on this one anywhere, Dean.” She says innocently, rubbing Cas’s hand gently. She sees Dean see her rub it, he flushes.

**I’m afraid I still don’t follow.**

**Oh, you don’t want to.**

Abdiel sighs at her, **I still don’t understand, but obviously this is important to you.**

**Not to me. To them.**

**“** Actually, Dean bears my handprint, my mark, from where I grasped him and raised him from perdition.”

            “Oh, dose he now? How interesting. And what a mark that must be..” Rae replies coyly.

            “It is rather permanent.” Cas replies grimly.

The light bulb clicks on. **You’re insinuating that Dean and Castiel have mutual affections for one another.**

**Yes! Goodness. Finally.**

Turning her attention to Dean, “Oh, you know they can remove all sorts of things these days! I know a guy who can tattoo over anything too, he does beautiful work. Did my demon ward and everything. No reason to be saddled with that forever, Dean.” She grins at him, knowing she’s won. 

Castiel turns slightly towards Dean, with what looks to Rae like baited breath. They both wait for Dean’s response. He looks like he’d like to leave but he’s pinned in on both sides by Sam and Cas. Its as if it takes him a second to process exactly what Rae has just suggested, that he remove the mark of Castiel’s grace from him, that he might not want it. _How could he not want it?_

“ _What?!_ No. _No!_ I’d never have his mark removed. I’d sure as hell never have it covered.” _I’m his._ The last of his sentence is silent, but everyone hears it. Dean’s blush reaches his ears, he catches Castiel’s eye briefly before he looks down at the table. The blush must be contagious because Cas has got it now too. And Cas is looking at Dean like he’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. And Cas thinks he might just be.

Not wanting to break the moment, or do any think that might distract from her intended purpose, Rae chooses that moment to check her phone. As if instructed Sam follows suit, even Gabriel produces a phone from.. somewhere and starts fiddleing with it. After several long minuets of what can only be assumed to be very meaningful eye contact with Castiel, Dean clears his throat. And begins to explain about these missing girls.

“Seems like a pretty straight forward case of demonic possession to me. Not sure why y’all needed me for this, not that I’m complaining.” Rae says after all of it.

“That’s the thing, we can’t _find_ them, and you have the lay of the land.”

“What? That’s not like demons, they’re not usually secretive and they sure as hell don’t hide out. Wonder what they’ve got planned then. They must be trying to raise some big bad then.” Rae supposes “Why else lie low?”

“That was my assumption as well.” Castiel adds gravely, “I’ve no idea what they could be after though.”

“Well what ever it is, it should be a perfect oporunity for our new little bird here to stretch her smiting wings” Gabriel says grinning, as if the idea of Abdiel whiting out some demons is the best thing since sliced bread.

“Well Yoda, teaching start you must.” Rae dryly replies.

Dean seems to perk up at the Star Wars reference. “Guess you better hit the books, Sammy.”

“I’ll put my feelers out” Gabriel said, and then was gone.

“Perhaps I should do the same” And Cas was gone too. Dean looked at where he had been for a few seconds before turning to Rae.

“Well, how’s the meat suit business treating you?”

“Surreal, mostly. Angels do have emotions you know. Cas is pretty dead pan, and Gabriel is a wacka-doo. But they do feel.”

**We are trained not to express or act on our emotions.**

She chuckled. “Apparently they’re like Vulcans. Masters of repression. Not unlike you.” She raised her eye brows at him, she knew she was pushing her luck here but, fuck it. What was he going to do about it.

“Excuse me?” Dean asked. Sam looked between the two like he was either about to witness the greatest moment in history, or a cat fight and he couldn’t tell which he was more excited for.

Rae gave him another all knowing glare, but said nothing, willing to let the subject drop.

“Yeah that’s what I thought you said. Nothing.” Dean spat at her, triumphant.

            “Sometimes ommisions are as good as confessions, Dean. They’re not denials.” For a moment Dean wasn’t entirely sure whom he was speaking to. But then Rae grinned at him again.  Was that little bint pretending to be the Angel living in her skull to fuck with him? Goddamn.

Dean huffed. He crossed his arms across his chest and did his best to look generally petchulant. “Don’t push it.”

“Hah! I could push that bolder all day and not make it move sweetie. The intertia can’t come from me, but with out it, nothing ever got anywhere, if you know what I mean.” Sam choked on his coffee. Her dark blue green eyes sparkled at him when she quirked an eye brow, “I know you’re ‘not listening’ and you think you’re only causing trouble, but that man’s the damn saddest little bird I’ve ever seen and yet he’s saving you. I think that’s really all you need to know about what you ought to be doing.”

“Lecture over? You finished.”

“Yeah, I’m finished. Get your shit together I’ll meet you back at the hotel see what we can dig up.”  She imagined her hotel room in perfect detail, horrible palm tree wallpaper, ugly orange bedspread, weird stale cigarette smell, and then was there.  


	6. Two things Angels never do: Knock and Say Goodbye.

 

“She stuck us with the bill” Dean said sliding around to the other booth.

“She didn’t have anything.” Sam replied “Why do you want to be mad at her.” _She’s not wrong._ Sam thought to himself.

“She doesn’t know what she’s doing, she going to get us all killed” Dean crossed his arms over his chest.

“Abdeil won’t let that happen, and for some reason, Gabriel seems to be looking out for them”

“And you trust that? You’ve got to be kidding me. Just the fact that Gabriel is here at all says we’re in for it. It’s obvious Cas doesn’t like it and neither do I.”

“Okay it’s not _obvious_ Cas doesn’t like it. And what would you have had him do? Make her his damn meat puppet? Dose that seem right to you? If they’re both out to kill Zachariah then two brains are better than one right? We sure as hell can’t continue to let him go back and forth  in time fucking with the time line and trying to find new ways to raise Lucifer and Michael. I don’t see where we have much choice in any thing so maybe we should just shut up and like the help we’ve got” Sam put on bitchface #23 – you’ve lost and you know it, and Dean had no choice but to scoff and throw his hands up in surrender. “I don’t know about you Dean, but I am really fucking sick of being the pawns of a paunchy balding seraphim in a cheap suit.”

“So we going back to the hotel or what?”

“Yeah, we’re going.” Sam threw some money down on the table and out they went.

**

The had only returned to the hotel and settled in for a few minuets before Castiel appeared. Dean startled when he turned around to find Castiel right in his face.

“Dude, don’t you ever knock?”

“No? ..On what would you like me to knock, Dean?” Dean looked at him like he legitimately couldn’t tell if the Angel was just fucking with him or not. But Castiel just stared at Dean, waiting. Sometimes he stared as if Dean’s questions were dumb or nonsense but, lately he just waited.

“The outside of the goddamned door.”

“Dean, he can’t materialize in the middle of the damn parking lot and broad daylight. He’s just cranky Cas, ignore him.”  Dean flipped Sam the bird for all his good intentions.

“ I was unable to find the Demons, perhaps Gabriel will have been better able”

“Well, the internet is useless, I’m going to hit the library’s town records to see what they could be trying to raise.”  Sam is up and out the door before Dean can even turn around.

Castiel sits down in a chair by the bed with a huff. He folds his coat around him and slumps slightly. He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean say realizing all’s not well with his Angel. “What’s up man?” He shuffles over to the bed and sits across from Cas. The room is small, and the space between the wall, the chair and the bed is ever smaller. They’re practically knee to knee seated in the space.

Cas sighs again. “ I am concerned.”

“This about Abdiel?”

“Among other things, yes.”

It’s Dean’s turn to scrub a hand over his face. He really wasn’t trying to play Angel therapist today but it looks like he doesn’t have much choice. He studies Cas’s scuffed black shoes intensely for several moments.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?” Dean replies after several seconds.

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” Dean asks, trying not to get frustrated with the game of 20 questions he didn’t agree to play.

“What you said at the dinner.” Castiel pauses, and it’s his turn to study Dean’s boots now. “ About the mark..”

“Cas. “ Dean says. Dean’s standing in a flash reaching across and grabbing Castiel hard by the back of the neck, pulling him up and towards him. He holds him close to his face, their noses nearly touching, he can feel Cas’s breath on his lips. “Cas. You _know_ I meant it.”

Cas’s pupils blow wide, he swallows hard, spreads his wings and then is gone.

 

 


End file.
